


Catch Me If You Can

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Altean? Lance, Betrayal, Cravings, Denial of Feelings, Drug Use, Emotional Manipulation, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance Leaves The Group, M/M, Manipulative Lotor, Mild Language, Please Don't Kill Me, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, dark themes, eventual hurt/comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-12 07:21:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11732268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "What's more selfish? Committing suicide or forcing someone to live in a world where they are so unhappy?" Lance remembered those words fall out of his father's mouth so violently when he was talking with his Aunt. He never understood what his father meant, nor did he think he ever would.Yet, now he's learned the true meanings. They send a bittersweet emotion in Lance's stomach, making him choke on the honey and poison of those words. He never wanted to be part of Voltron. He wanted to go home. Yet he knew he couldn't. "He needed to save the universe." As everyone said to him. The saying lost meaning to Lance, and now he didn't know what he still felt when it came to Voltron and the other paladins. All he knows is that he's simply to nod and oblige.





	1. Pick Your Poison

_━━━━⠀_

_"How sweet it must be,_

_to feel all the pain at once_

_and then never again."_

          ━━━━⠀

       "Lance pay attention better!"

 

       "Is flirting all you're good for?"

 

       "If you actually listened, you'd know what to do."

 

       "Lance, you need to contribute more to the team."

 

       Lance has heard hundreds upon hundreds of complaints coming from his fellow members, and he'd be lying if none of them hurt. He's tried his best to belong. Going as far as to stay quiet the whole day or talking only when they asked him to. It made him numb to the core, Lance no longer able to feel that rush of adrenaline and comfort of home he once did with the other Paladins. Now, he simply nods and obeys, nothing else. He doesn't talk to any of them expect Coran a bit, completely isolating himself from the others. He didn't know how long he had to do this. Or if he would be able to even last it. 

 

        Lance rubbed his tired eyes, wide awake. The other Paladins were about to wake up soon and he hadn't gotten an ounce of sleep. He sighed as he laid in his bed, feeling the familiar cold material on his back. He closed his eyes, snuggling his body together as he tried to fall asleep. Yet he felt a silent ringing in his ears, making him groan in annoyance. It had been months since they finally found the real Shiro, the whole team able to be whole once again. Shiro had taken his spot as the Red Paladin, giving him Blue back as Allura continued to help on the Castle with Coran again. Keith has been a good leader. Or so he thinks so. How is supposed to care? Not like Keith even acknowledges him anyways. He got out of his bed, taking off his robe as he changed into his suit. The door opened, showing Lance the dimly lit hallways of the Castle. Lance exited his room, quietly making his way to Blue's Hangar. Once he enters the Hangar, he could hear the familiar purr from Blue, making him feel a bit more comfortable. He approached her smiling softly. Blue was in her normal stance, her head was held high as her body was in perfect posture to make her look taller. Her eyes flickered to life, her head bowing down at seeing Lance. She gave him an excited yet curious purr, asking him why he was up so late. 

 

        "Sorry about waking you up so early, I couldn't sleep. How are you, Beautiful?" She purrs in response, making him chuckle. "That's good. I feel like going for a stroll. Are you up for it?" He asks, watching her golden eyes. It's strange how a half-life half-robot could somehow feel more emotion than he ever could. No. Now was not the time to think like that. He snapped back to reality, seeing Blue's mouth open to let him in. He entered Blue, heading straight to the cockpit. A faint nostalgia hit him when smelling the salt and water. It was Blue's scent that made him all too remember the ocean that he used to live by. He gulped, sitting down as the controls appeared. Blue closed her mouth, standing up as the back wall opened, showing them the black abyss of space. Lance led her out the Hangar, watching it as it closed slowly. He steered Blue away from the Castle, pulling up a map of planets. He chose the closest one, heading there. The silent made him uncomfortable as he tried his best to focus on piloting. Yet the dark thoughts were entering his mind ever so slowly, somehow making him more concerned. 

 

       Lance didn't realize he had zoned out until he heard the alarms go off, making him yelp. He snapped out of his trance, trying to process what was happening. They were heading straight for what seemed like ice. He jerked the handles, trying his best to move Blue away from the danger. Yet, Blue didn't respond, simply heading straight for the ice. Panic flooded him as he reached over, trying to contact the other Paladins. A sudden crash made him fall of the chair, hitting his head harshly. Lance groaned, getting up. All the systems were down, Blue not responding to any of his calls at all. By the looks of it, the two were stuck in frozen water, miles away from the surface. His headgear was no longer working, making him unable to ask anyone for help. He got out of Blue, looking around as if someone might be there to help him. He waited for a solid 5 minutes before he looked up, unable to see even a glimmer of light. 

 

       He quickly got back into Blue, trying to get her to activate. "C'mon girl.. I need you to help me right now." He heard her purr in distress, telling him she couldn't move. He let out a gasp as he nodded. The water was freezing her limbs, making her unable to move. He looked at the controls, hoping to find a button or lever to help him out. Yet there was nothing. He sighed, heading to the very back where the wires were located. He opened the metal covering protecting them, humming as he increased the power on Blue. Lance heard the familiar whirring of her mechanical parts, making him swell in pride. He made his way to the cockpit again, seeing her back online. He sat down, leading Blue to any signs of light. After what seemed like 15 minutes, Lance was able to see light seeping through a hole in the ice. He pushed the handles forward, feeling Blue increase in speed as she flew out into the ice, the water splashing a bit. 

 

       "Phew, we did it, Blue!" He cheered, earning a purr from her as they left the planet, finding their way back to the Castle. They entered the Hangar shortly after, Blue setting down as Lance left. He was about to head into his room when he saw everyone awake, all of them talking worriedly. Lance arched his brow in confusion until seeing Shiro in the healing pod. His eyes widened in confusion and fear as he made his way to the other's watching as all their eyes looked at him in anger and disappointment. Keith showed pure hatred as he was the first to talk, his hands balled into fists. "Where the fuck were you?! We called for you so many times!" He screamed, trying his hardest not to punch Lance in the face. Lance looked at them in realization, guilt sinking in. 

 

       "Keith i'm so-" 

 

       "Save it! I could care less about your apologies. Because you failed to be a part of Voltron, Shiro is in current critical condition." Keith snapped. The others didn't say anything, all of them avoiding looking at Lance. His eyes widened in as he tried to reason with Keith. "I know but you have to understand-" "Understand what? That you didn't care? Maybe you wanted Shiro dead from the start!" The sharp sting hurt Lance's palm, yet he didn't care. Tears welled up and poured out as he looked at Keith in shock and anger. "You really think i'd want Shiro dead?" He chokes out, tears flowing freely. "I'm not heartless you know.. I care about Shiro. About all of you. You think i'm the selfish one? I didn't get any alerts, Keith. I was stuck in ice cold water miles away from any help. If I had known, I would've come immediately." Lance is sobbing at this point, unable to hold back his feelings. 

 

       "I'm so sick of this. I've done so much for all of you. I've shut up when you've asked me to. I've obeyed every command. Fuck, I even risked my leg for you and Pidge to successfully make it back to your own lions once! What else do you expect me to do?" His voice is barely audible as he looks down at the floor, not wanting to see their faces. "You all point out my mistakes and shove it down my throat. I know I don't belong here, okay? I want to go back home. Where I don't have to worry about anyone accepting me except my family. I don't want to be part of Voltron." He doesn't hear Allura as she tries to reason with him, doesn't watch as Keith stand there still stunned, his cheek still red from the slap. Lance doesn't care as he walks back to his room, locking the door as he slips into his bed, immediately falling asleep as his pillow absorbed every tear that fell. 

 


	2. Breaking What's Already Broken

_━━━━⠀_

_"I became insane with long_

_intervals of sanity."_

         ━━━━⠀

 

        It had been a week since the whole incident and Lance has been burying himself in his room, only coming out to get something to eat. He never talked to any of the other Paladins. Especially not Keith after what he did to him. Lance sees the way they look at him; full of pity and remorse. It simply made his blood boil. He didn't need their apologies now. He didn't care enough to accept them anymore. It had been 4 days since Shiro had awakened from the healing pod, he was still weak and getting back on his feet yet looked better than when he was injured. Shiro was the only one apart from Coran who tried to talk to him, knocking on his door and begging him to talk with him. Yet, Lance always brushed him off, saying that it wasn't a big deal and that he was fine. He knew Shiro didn't believe him yet would always leave him alone for the day after he said that, knowing that he wanted to be left alone. Matt had also gotten better, more smarter and helping the team more than Lance every thought he could. Soon enough, Blue had chosen Matt as her Paladin. Leaving Lance with nothing. 

 

        Lance sighed, putting his headphones on. He pressed play on the record player, hearing his mother's familiar voice. It was warm and welcoming, making him smile fondly. He remembered when his mother recorded this message for him back when he was in the Garrison so that he wouldn't feel homesick. Speaking of home... He was galaxies away from his sanctuary. If he had not snuck out that night with Hunk, maybe he wouldn't have this fate. This fate of where he was only the shell of who he used to be, unable to fix himself. Yet, he doesn't want someone else to take his place and suffer the same experiences as him. He sighs, closing his eyes as he stops his wandering mind and listens to his mother's voice, slowly lulling him to sleep. 

 

        "I'm so proud of you, Mi hijo. You finally made it to your dream school. I know you'll do great, you'll leave a mark on this world that no one will forget." She lefts out a fond laugh, coughing a bit before she continues. "I know I haven't been there a lot for you. And I feel horrible knowing that I wasn't there to support my beloved son. Don't worry, i'll be fine. Besides, aubelita is here taking care of me. I'm sorry I wasn't able to provide you with a normal life. I know that you've suffered greatly because of me. And.. I'm sorry about it. If I had just quit when I could.." Her voice is soft and Lance can see her lip trembling as she tries her best to not cry. "I want to see you one day. Hold you in my arms without fearing that you'll hate me. When that day comes, I promise you that everything will be okay. For now, all I can do is watch you get older. But I am so proud of you. You're such a wonderful son. I wouldn't trade you for the world. Work hard and go into space, make your dreams come true. I love you." 

 

       For once, Lance feels at ease, the faint sound of seagulls and waves filling his ears as he sleeps comfortably, feeling the warmth of the sun suddenly cuddle him. He lets out a content sigh, not realizing that someone was carefully watching him, waiting for the perfect opportunity. 

 

_━━━━⠀_

         

         "You seem really interested in this Paladin." Acxa says, eyeing Lotor in surprise. He lets out a mused chuckle, his purple irises looking at her. "I suppose so. He seems the easiest to break, doesn't he?" Acxa simply nods, watching the footage of Voltron's quarrel. "I must say.. The paladins don't actually seem to know how to get along together. Who knew the leader could be so cold." Lotor hums in response, going through older footages. He lands on the one where Lance is in the training deck, fighting the Gladiator. "He tries hard to fit in. Maybe it's time we give him a purpose. Get the fighter ship ready, we'll need it in case Voltron tries to interfere." Acxa nods, putting her right hand over her heart as she leaves. Lotor looks back at the video, his eyes glinting with mischief and curiosity. "Paladin.. Just what is it about you that intrigues me so much?" 

 

_━━━━⠀_

 

Lance suddenly heard the familiar ringing in his ear, this time louder and painful. He covers his ear on instinct, hoping it would stop yet it simply grew louder. He groaned, waking up from his peaceful sleep. He took his headphones off, opening his door. He made his way to the escape pods, sighing. He wanted to visit Blue, yet he was no longer her Paladin. He now had nothing to do with her. It hurt realizing that his precious lion was now gone forever. He let out a weak laugh, his nails digging into his palms. Why was he still here? He could simply fly back to Earth and never talk to any of theme ever again, yet a weight was on his shoulders that was keeping him back. He needed to get rid of it as fast as he could. The sudden sound of someone entering the escape pods startles Lance, making him scurry to hide. 

 

         He looked over, seeing the familiar ginger hair. What was Coran doing here? The older man sighed, looking at the escape pod. He had a bag slung over his shoulder, putting it into the pod. Coran looks down, rubbing his temples. "Lance my boy.. I know you're here. I'd like to talk to you." Lance gulps, coming out of his hiding spot as he approaches Coran. He smiles sadly at Lance, placing his hand on Lance's shoulder. "You've told me many times you want to go home. So.. I'm giving you the opportunity. Don't worry, i'll tell the others you're safe. I'll guide you through your whole trip to Earth. This is the only thing I can do you for you." Lance looks at Coran in disbelief, pulling him into a huge. His eyes sting as he silently weeps on Coran's shoulder, saying 'thank you' like a mantra. They separate a few minutes later, Coran giving his arm one last squeeze before he entered the escape pod, the black cover coming on again. Coran gave him one last wave before as the pod started, the door opening up to let Lance leave. 

 

         Lance exited out the Castle, having one more good look before Coran called him, sending him the coordinates of where Earth was. A smile crept up on Lance's face. He was finally going home. Going home to see his family, to hear his father's rants, to see his amazing siblings, to receive aubelita's warm hugs, and to finally see his mother again. He missed them so much, he never realized how homesick he was until now. He sped up, hearing Coran monitor him as he flew back home. 

 

_━━━━_

 

Hours had passed and still Lance couldn't see any familiar planets signaling he was close to home. He sighed, closing his eyes as he let his head rest on the chair. Coran hadn't talked to him in a while so he simply stopped the pod, letting it float in space as he sighed, recalling precious memories back when Voltron first started. His throat tightened as he forced himself to stop being so unhappy. 

 

         "Lance! Lance look out! There's a fighter ship coming after you!" Coran yelled, making him jerk a bit. He turned the pod on, putting it on full blast. Yet, the ship got closer, side to side with his small pod. Lance tried to calm down, even though panic was the only thing making him not scream and yell for help. He had to stay strong in order to get home safely. He reared his pod away from the ship, hoping it wouldn't follow. Unfortutely it did, tailing behind him. He looked down, pressing the button as his pod went in full power, quickly getting away from the ship. They seemed like a dot from where he was. He let out a relieved sigh, yet the sigh turned into a yelp when the ship once again was tailing behind him, this time shooting. The first hit directly hit one of the turbos, making the pod tumble a bit. Lance grunted, trying to steer the pod even when it didn't listen exactly. "The paladins are coming to help, stay in touch Lance!" Coran yelled, trying his best not to panic. Another hit straight to the last turbo made the pod fall until the ship grabbed it, pulling it in into their hangar. Lance stood there in fear, ready to face his fate. This was it. He was going to die in the hands of the Galra. 

 

         The roof opened as footsteps reached closer, a man with long white hair and purple eyes smiling at him. Lance looked at him in fear, backing against his chair. What was Lotor doing here? And what did he want with him? "Paladin. I think it's time I show you that you actually belong." His voice sounded soft and caring, making Lance relax for some reason. He stared at Lotor, unsure what to say or do. His generals were next to him, ready to defend him if Lance decided to attack. Lotor came closer, placing his hand on Lance's cheek. 

 

          **"After all. You want to belong, don't you?"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you're enjoying it so far. This is the first fanfic i've ever wrote and actually published so I hope I didn't disappoint. Have a good day!


	3. Violent Delights

_━━━━⠀_

_"You and I are nothing_

_but wild beasts_

_wearing human skins."_

          ━━━━⠀

 

        Lotor's hands were too warm, too soft. Too.. Human for Lance's liking. He wanted to slap his hand away yet he knew that'd be a dumb move considering he had nothing to defend himself with. Lotor's words made Lance squirm in his seat. He wasn't like that. No, he never wanted to be important. Lotor was wrong. There was no way he was what Lotor described. Yet, a part of his brain wondered, was he? No. He wasn't. 

 

       "No you're-" "Wrong? I highly doubt it. You crave attention, to feel validated. Yet, the other Paladins never gave you the attention you feed off. You felt useless and weak without it. Am I wrong now?" Lance gulped, the words sinking in so quickly it made his spine tingle. Lotor kneeled down to eye level with Lance, his eyes fond making something churn in Lance's stomach. "Join me. Millions will praise and adore you, you'll have everything you want in your fingertips. It's not like the others needed you anyways." A sharp pain erupted in Lance's chest, making him whimper. "I wonder how long they've been waiting to replace you." Another wave of pain. Lance gripped the arm rests on the chair tightly, resting the urge to cry. Maybe Lotor was right. Maybe they never cared about him and were glad Matt took his place. Maybe Coran was lying when he said they were coming to save him. His vision became glossy as a few tears fell, Lotor wiping them away. "See? They were hurting you so much yet you never realized it. Come with me.. I'll fill the hole in your heart. They were wrong to leave you to rot. You're better than they make you look." It was no longer sadness that overtook Lance but comfort. "Why are you being so nice to me?" He whispered, looking at Lotor's eyes, making him remember Keith's. He pushed away the thought, grimacing.

 

       "You intrigue me, Paladin. Will you join me?" Lotor placed his other hand into Lance's lap, letting him stare at him. Lance's hand shook wildly as he placed it on top of Lotor's, nodding lightly. A grin was plastered on Lotor's face. He did it. He won him over. "Good." His voice was full of triumph as he helped Lance out the pod, handing him over to Ezor. "You will work for us undercover. Welcome home, Lance." Lance felt warm and tingly when hearing those words. Yeah.. He was.. Home. 

 

━━━━

 

       Home. Keith didn't know the meaning of well. Growing up as an orphan he had no one to really lean on. When Shiro entered his life he felt like he had a family for once. Even if it was only him and Shiro, he wasn't going to complain. Many would simply use Keith and then leave him; Shiro was the only one who never did. The fear of losing Shiro that day made him panic, leading to him blowing up on his love interest. Yes, he loved Lance. From the freckles on his face to how his blue eyes would clash against his tan skin. He was the definition of perfect in Keith's book. 

 

       He didn't know why he chose Lance to yell at, it just seemed more sense in his mind. The pain on his cheek was numb to the way Lance looked at him; full of shock and sorrow. Keith wanted to reach over and full him into a hug yet Lance left without another word, sobbing as he did. Everyone was quiet as they watched Coran leave the room, chasing after Lance. It made him jealous knowing it wasn't him who could comfort Lance yet he knew he deserved it. He had done nothing but crush Lance until he was a fraction of who he was. He deserved to slapped. That didn't help him at all; only making him realize how much he fucked up his relationship with Lance. He rushed over to Lance's room, ready to knock. Yet his knuckles barely brushed the metal door before Keith hesitated, backing away a bit. He shouldn't be here. Keith left to his room, ashamed of his actions. He wouldn't dare go in Lance's room after what he did. 

 

       A week had passed and now Keith was itching to talk to Lance, to confess his undying love and ready to beg for forgiveness. Instead he decided to let Lance go home where he would be happy and safe. Yet, not everything goes out as planned. It was almost time to wake up when the sirens blared, Coran on the intercom. "Paladins! Lance has a fighter ship going after him. I repeat, Lance has a fighter ship going after him!" Keith woke up immediately, changing into his suit as he rushed over to the Black Lion's Hangar, getting in quickly as possible. He exited the Castle, watching as the others appeared as well, all of them getting the location of where Lance was last seen. Keith was rushing over, biting his tongue ever so slightly as he reached the destination quickly, greeted by the black void of space. The others were hot on his trail, stopping once seeing the Pod wasn't there. Keith simply stared at the empty space as his hands started shaking. There was no way Lance was taken. Lance isn't a fool to be captured so easily. His eyes stung as hot fresh tears flowed, a heavy lodge in his throat. Hunk was weeping on the intercom, whispering apologies to Lance as if it was the only thing keeping him sane while Matt was consoling Shiro as he tried his best not to break down. Pidge had turned off her com, making sure no one knew how she was. 

 

       The mourning was long for Keith. He wasn't going to believe Lance was dead. He turned Black around, heading for the Castle as the others silently followed. The Lions were placed in this respectable Hangars, Allura and Coran waiting for them. Shiro hugged Matt, sobbing as Matt pressed soft kisses onto his neck and fingers, whispering words of hope into Shiro's ears. Allura was consoling Hunk, crying along with him as the two hugged, not letting go of one another. Pidge's eyes were red and puffy as her and Coran recalled precious memories they had with Lance, holding back their tears. The scene scattered out in front of him made Keith's heart ache. Lance didn't realize how much they loved him.. He was going to save him and show him much he matters. Keith gripped his Bayard tightly, going into his room to make a plan. He was going to save Lance no matter what. 


End file.
